Enjoy The Silence
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Spin off to Episode 4.11: What if Pam took Eric at his word and left?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok, I must confess I haven't actually _seen_ 4.11 but I know what happens and this is my response to it. Maybe this will make me feel better about it when I actually do see it...who knows? Anyways, I apologise for an inaccuracies and I hope you enjoy it :) Oh, this is loosely based on the song "Enjoy The Silence" by Depeche Mode.  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**_Enjoy The Silence_**

"_Get out of my sight before I kill you."_

Eric shuddered at the memory of the words he had spoken and the look on her face before she disappeared.

Had he ever truly meant them?

It pained him to admit that in the heat of the moment, yes, he had meant them and he probably would have followed through with his threat had she not gone. But now, in a more reasonable mood, he knew that it would have killed him if he had done so.

She was his child. His Pam. His everything.

But she was gone.

She had taken him at his word and disappeared, he knew that before he'd even arrived at her favourite place to bunker down.

He did not need to search the others, he could tell without seeking too deeply into their bond that she was a long way from Shreveport.

Judging from the fact that she had not taken anything with her, she must have just kept running after he told her to go.

He sought her out and was surprised to find that she hadn't shut him out; obviously assuming that he would not try to reach her. He caught a glimpse of the depths of her pain before she realised what he was doing, anger welled up in her and then he found himself abruptly cut off.

He had chosen a human over her, he was certain she would never forget that.

He only hoped that he'd be able to convince her to forgive it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow! I am very encouraged by all your reviews, thank you very much - I don't think I've ever gotten such a huge response to anything before! Some of you seemed to be asking for a bit of angst in this story (more than I was thinking of doing anyway) so this storyline is for you. Hope it doesn't disappoint!**

After his initial concern over her absence had worn off, Eric had been reasonably confident that Pam would return by the end of the week.

This was not their first disagreement and a week was the longest that she had ever been gone for.

He was surprised, therefore, when the week passed without any sign or sound of Pam. She was also still steadfastly maintaining the barrier she had built up between them via their bond.

Not that he had checked…very often.

As her Maker he was fully aware that he could break through the barrier whenever he wished or could command her to return, but he wasn't that kind of Maker. He always respected her need to put distance between them and rarely commanded her against her express wishes.

Not to mention she was usually much better to deal with if he let her cool off first.

By the tenth day of her absence, however, he was starting to feel more than a little edgy over her absence.

A fact that was brought home to him when he only just stopped himself from snapping the neck of one of his human employees because she was late coming to work due to traffic.

This could not go on for much longer.

To avoid any more lapses in his control over his foul mood, Eric locked himself in his office for the remainder of the evening.

Tomorrow, he decided, he would call her back tomorrow.

At least that had been the plan until he saw the evening news.

He had the TV on in the background whilst he attended to some paperwork when a familiar drawl had grabbed his attention.

He stared at the screen, drinking in the sight of her, for several moments before any of the dialogue actually began to sink in.

"…_this is the third vampire attack reported in the last month…_"

The words 'vampire attack' stuck in his mind and he frowned as he watched the replay of Pam being caught in the act of feeding from a human.

Bill would have her head for this.

There was only one way he could stop that from happening.

Without a second thought he broke through all her barriers and sent her a simple command: _Do not come back_. He abruptly severed the link after that, building up a barrier of his own.

He leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. Instead of the remorse or anger or any other myriad emotions he had expected to feel from her, all he had felt was a raw pain that had only intensified when he gave her his command.

He wondered whether all he had done was rub salt into her wounds.


	3. Chapter 3

"I have a hard time believing you don't know where Pam is," Bill observed the next evening.

Eric shrugged as he leant back in his seat, "You can believe what you like, I do not know where she is."

Bill narrowed his eyes as Sookie walked into the room, two bottles of Tru Blood in tow. They had chosen Sookie's house to meet as it was neutral territory, but the atmosphere between them was anything but.

"As much as I appreciate being designated as Switzerland," Sookie began with a touch of sarcasm as she looked between the two vampires, "just remember that you agreed not to fight in my house."

"_My_ house," Eric couldn't help correcting her as he accepted the Tru Blood. She pulled a face at him and Bill's expression hardened.

"I know how deep the bond is between the two of you, you must have some idea," Bill persisted.

Eric made a show of looking at his nails, "Like you know where Jessica is at all times?" he retorted, "Pamela is a big girl, besides, I haven't seen her for over a week," he added, feeling for the first time that it was a good thing he'd sent her away.

"I forgot you had cast her off," Bill replied, ignoring the barb about Jessica. Eric suppressed a wince at the memory of Pam's leaving, "Perhaps that's why she took this action, didn't you say she didn't take anything with her?"

"Yes," Eric replied tightly, not wanting to think about how that fact had worried him.

Bill shrugged, "Obviously she is unable to obtain sustenance in any other way," he continued, "she should have come to me, I would have protected her."

"She doesn't need protecting," Eric hissed.

Bill smiled, "I thought you threatened to kill her?" he asked innocently, his smile turned to a frown however as he saw Eric regain some of his composure.

Eric smiled dangerously, "I did. Perhaps then the punishment could be mine to deliver? She is, after all, _my_ child."

"Once she is in my custody, perhaps we could come to some kind of agreement," Bill replied with a matching smile.

Eric's smile took on a slightly forced look, "What's to stop you from killing her yourself?" he asked.

"You'll just have to trust me," Bill replied smoothly.

"Oh for heaven's sake," Sookie said, breaking into their conversation, both men jumped slightly having forgotten she was even in the room. "This is _Pam_, isn't she entitled to some sort of trial?"

"She was caught on film feeding off a human, the penalty for such an action is the true death," Bill replied.

"How do you even know it was Pam?" Sookie demanded.

Both men stared at her like she had grown another head.

"I _think_ I might be expected to know my own child," Eric said stiffly, after a moment.

"Eric, you are not helping," Sookie replied surprise mixing with consternation in her tone.

"What is there to help? She is dead to me," he replied flatly, looking directly at Bill.

Bill smiled again, "Then you won't mind calling her back," he said easily.

"Of course not, _sire_," Eric replied through gritted teeth.

He wondered how he had gotten himself into this position and glanced at Sookie. He stifled a sigh, once more she was the underlying cause behind him betraying his child.

He doubted now whether Pam would ever forgive him.

...

**A/N: I promise I will try and update soon, but I have a quick question: was it only that one time with his amnesia that Eric saw Pam decomposing?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I appear to be on a roll at the moment and, as I don't know how long it will last, thought I should just run with it. Thanks for your responses to my question: it helped make this chapter possible. This chapter takes place the next evening, but in the same location (i.e. Sookie's).  
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She was coming, he could feel it, but he could also feel that she was not happy about it and was consequently taking her time.

He thought about commanding her to come faster but decided that hastening her to her doom would truly be one step too far.

He had already betrayed her enough as it was.

If it weren't for his outburst this would never have happened, if he hadn't been side tracked by Sookie in his attempt to keep her from Bill she wouldn't be on her way back.

_If only…_

Eric shook his head, he was wallowing and that was something that he _did_ not do.

Eric Northman planned, strategized, adapted and tried again. He did _not_ sit around wondering how he had gotten himself into a situation and wishing that things could be different.

And he was not about to start doing so now.

He thought about pacing, but willed himself to remain still.

His eyes flashed across to Bill, he would not give him the satisfaction.

"You do realise that no amount of delay is going to save Pam," Bill said, breaking the silence, "it will merely prolong the inevitable."

Eric shot him a dark look, "She's coming," he said shortly.

Bill smiled dangerously, "I thought you said she was dead to you, why don't you order her to hurry?"

Eric narrowed his eyes slightly, "I thought you might like to savour the moment," he muttered.

Bill chuckled darkly but made no reply.

Eric returned to his brooding, trying desperately to think of a way out of this situation, preferably with Pam free and by his side, but he would settle for her being captured as long as she was still alive.

His head snapped up, she was getting close.

Bill noticed his movement and nodded to his men to move into position, Eric clenched his fists in an effort not to try and neutralise the threat they represented to Pam.

He was letting her walk into a trap almost entirely of his own devising and he had no way to stop her.

She was close enough now that the other vampires could sense her, he watched as they tensed, waiting for the moment when she would appear.

The door opened and there she was.

Before Eric could wonder why she had hidden her face, a silver net was thrown over her by one of Bill's men and she fell to her knees, screaming in agony.

Her eyes sought his, "I hate you," she hissed and he involuntarily took a step back, both from her tone and the pain her words brought him.

The covering to her face fell away as she was hauled to her feet.

Everyone stopped and stared at her in horror.

Eric was the first one to break the silence: "What the f*ck happened to you?" he demanded.


	5. Chapter 5

Pam glared at him, "What does it look like, genius? I'm still cursed," she spat, hissing in pain as the net was removed and she was cuffed with silver.

"I had forgotten," Eric replied still looking a trifle stunned as he took in her disfigured appearance. Clearly she _had_ left without taking anything.

"There's a shock," she muttered. She turned to Bill, "Do you care to explain my reception?" she demanded.

Eric fought off a proud smile at her defiance, but if she felt any of his pride she chose to ignore it.

"You were caught on camera feeding off a human, you know the penalty for that," Bill told her, eyeing her warily.

"Do I look like I would be caught dead anywhere near a camera?" she retorted.

"You were not this way when it occurred," Bill replied smoothly.

"Then it must have been _some_ camera tricks they were using because I haven't eaten since I left," she replied, Eric stiffened, "not to mention the injections started to wear off after the first day."

Bill strove to look nonplussed but Eric could see that he was trying to make sense of the situation.

"I will have Dr. Ludwig examine you, until then I will give you the benefit of the doubt," Bill decided, he jerked his chin at the two vampires holding Pam steady, "take her away."

The two vampires did as they were bid, Bill turned to Eric, "Thank you for all your help, Sheriff, I'm sure I couldn't have done it without you," he said, loud enough so that Pam could hear him.

If looks could kill Eric was pretty certain that he would be a pile of ash on the ground, Sookie coming to his side only intensified Pam's death-glare before she disappeared out the door.

Bill favoured them both with a small smile before he followed suit.

"Bastard," Eric muttered once Bill was out of earshot.

"What will you do now?" Sookie asked, concerned.

"I don't know," he growled, hating himself for the part he'd played in this mess. "I need to think," he muttered, striding out the door without a backwards glance.

Seeing Pam disfigured for the first time since their captivity in Bill's dungeon had only intensified his guilt over the situation.

She had sacrificed so much for him, proved time and again how much she loved him, how unshakeable her loyalty was to him and _this_ was how he repaid her.

Pam didn't have to hate him; he hated himself enough for the both of them.

...

**A/N: Ah, the angst... :P**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement so far, I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying this. Hope I don't disappoint anyone! x**

"She is telling the truth," Dr. Ludwig informed Bill, leaving the cell where Pam was being held. "The injections I gave her wear off after twenty-four hours and the decomposition affects her ability to feed."

Bill pursed his lips as he regarded Pam, "Then who was in that video?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Dr. Ludwig replied, "but it wasn't Pam."

Bill nodded and, after thanking her for her services, sent the good doctor on her way. He turned back to Pam who sat on the cot, arms crossed.

"I told you it wasn't me," she said flatly.

"I'm sorry that I doubted you," he told her, "but you must understand how it looked."

"I can honestly say I don't care," she drawled, "am I free to go now?" she asked after a brief pause.

"I'm afraid I can't release you, not yet, after what was released on the news if anyone saw you…" Bill trailed off and Pam rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she muttered, "it's not like I have anywhere to go."

Bill opened her cell door, "You will have free range of my home," he explained at her surprised look, "but you will not leave the premises until this is resolved," he told her.

He grabbed her arm as she made to walk passed him, "I mean it, Pam, don't test me on this."

She bared her fangs at him, "You can cut the kingly bullshit with me, Compton, I'm not going anywhere."

Bill let her go with a curt nod and watched as Pam sauntered off.

He shook his head; this was all shaping up to be a bigger nightmare than he thought possible.


	7. Chapter 7

"This is bullshit, where's Pam?" Eric demanded the next evening, slamming his fists on the edge of Bill's desk.

"Pam is in my protective custody," Bill replied, "I won't stop you from seeing her but I must insist that she remain here," he added, earning another glare from Eric.

"She would be just as safe, if not safer, with me," Eric insisted.

"Remind me again which of us threatened her life?"

"We both know I didn't mean that," Eric hissed.

Bill raised an eyebrow, "Do we?" he asked, "You were quite insistent that she meant nothing to you."

"I don't have to explain myself to you," Eric retorted.

"Then when not try explaining yourself to me," a voice interrupted from behind.

Eric froze whilst Bill smiled and waved Pam into the room.

Pam came to lean back against Bill's desk, one eyebrow raised as she waited for Eric to respond.

Eric was relieved to note the level of recovery she had already achieved from her decomposition, if only he knew how to relieve some of the venom in her eyes.

"I spoke in the heat of the moment, Pam, I'm sorry," he said seriously.

"That's it?" she spat, "You're _sorry_? You'll have to do much better than that if you ever want my forgiveness."

"I don't owe you anything Pam," he growled, his own anger flaring, "I am your Maker, you disobeyed me."

"To save your life you jerk! The least you could have done was to do the same for me when _I_ needed you!" she yelled.

"I'm sorry if you feel I have betrayed you-" Eric began but Pam cut him off.

"Don't bother," she spat, pushing herself off Bill's desk, "clearly you have nothing to say that will be worth listening to," she said and stalked off.

Eric watched her go, already regretting the things he'd said to her. He caught sight of Bill out of the corner of his eye and turned to glare at him: he looked far too smug for Eric's liking.

He sighed mentally, he had known this wouldn't be easy but he hadn't counted on making things worse between them.

Maybe he was still cursed.

...

**A/N: Yes, Eric has a very bad case of foot-in-mouth disease...but I did tell you it wouldn't be pretty... :P**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: And so Eric begins to work through some of his anger issues... :P Once again, thanks for all the encouragement! :)**

"I would like to speak to Pam," Eric said without preamble the next evening as Bill answered his phone. Next to him Sookie mouthed 'please,' he rolled his eyes and turned away from her. "Please," he ground out.

"She doesn't want to speak to you," Bill replied, sounding a little preoccupied.

"You answer for her now do you?" Eric demanded, tightening his grip on the phone.

"I told you once that I would protect her and I meant it," Bill informed him.

Eric clenched his jaw, "You don't _have_ to protect her."

"Someone has to if you have spurned that role," Bill replied smoothly with a touch of smugness in his tone.

"I haven't spurned anything!" Eric roared, "I'm _trying_ to make this right," he continued in a calmer tone.

"Well, Eric, I suggest you try harder," Bill replied before hanging up.

Eric listed off a string of obscenities as he crushed his phone to a pulp, getting a small measure of satisfaction from the gesture as he imaged Bill in its place.

"I'm guessing that didn't go well," Sookie commented as Eric glowered down at the remains of his phone, resisting the urge to jump on them.

"Apparently she refuses to speak to me," he growled, "and _Bill_," he continued, spitting out his name like it was a curse, "seems to feel that she's somehow his responsibility now."

He flung himself into his desk chair, "As if she would ever stop being _mine_," he grumbled.

"You're her Maker; can't you command her to speak with you?"

"Somehow I don't think that would help me," he muttered, deep in thought.

"Then you will just have to apologise and beg for her forgiveness."

Before Sookie had even finished speaking Eric was towering over her. "I do not beg," he told her through his fangs.

Sookie held her ground, "Then you really have lost her."


	9. Chapter 9

Pam lounged on the bed in the room that Bill had assigned to her, flipping through a magazine.

Someone knocked on her door; calling for them to enter, she shut the magazine and turned to see who it was.

She raised an eyebrow when she saw Bill.

"May I come in?" he asked politely, at Pam's nod he strode into the room, closing the door behind him.

"I thought you might be interested to know that Eric had called," he told her, coming to a stop a couple of paces from the bed.

Pam looked away.

"He was quite insistent that he speak to you," Bill continued, watching her for a reaction, "has he tried to contact you by any other means?"

"No," she said quietly, raising her head to look him in the eye.

"Is Sookie with him?" she demanded after a moment, Bill didn't respond but the tightening of his jaw told her all she needed to know.

"That would explain it," she said moodily.

"I am about to go out, is there anything you need before I go?" he asked.

Pam shook her head and, with a polite nod, Bill was gone.

Pam sighed and rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling. She missed Eric, but she wasn't sure that she was ready to forgive him for what he had done.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: This chapter is sort of stream of consciousness, just so you know. Hope you like! :)**

"_I hate you."_

Pam's words, spoken with such venom, spun around Eric's mind as he sat brooding in his office.

Sookie had been wise enough to leave shortly after their altercation, seeming to realise that she might have pushed him too far, leaving him to his thoughts.

He refused to believe that he had lost Pam, the very idea made him unreasonably angry.

She was _his_, she always had been and she always will be. He would not lose her, least of all to Bill Compton.

The very thought made him sick.

He banged his fist on his desk, making the objects on it jump, he was still angry at her for disobeying his express command. Angry that she had put him in this position, angry that when she finally did listen it was to the one command he didn't want her to obey.

But mostly he was angry that she was over at Bill's rather than here with him, where she belonged.

He knew that he shouldn't be angry with her, that deep down it was really himself that he was angry with. But he couldn't help it, every time he saw her all his guilt, worry and frustration bubbled over.

In the century that he had been with Pam he had never been at a loss as to how to reach her, but then she had never been so angry with him.

Angry, hurt and betrayed.

He could feel it rolling off her in waves whenever he was near her and that only served to make him feel more guilty and, thus, more irritable.

Eric pinched the bridge of his nose, perhaps Sookie was right, unless he was willing to admit his part in this mess he was going to lose her.

Absently he reached for his phone and frowned when he noticed it wasn't in its usual place, his frown turned to a glare as he caught sight of the remains of his phone on the floor.

"Damn," he muttered.

Perhaps it was just as well, dawn was approaching and another day to cool off wouldn't hurt either him or Pam.

At least he hoped so.


	11. Chapter 11

"What are you doing?" Eric demanded, striding out of his office and startling Ginger.

"King Bill asked me collect all of Pam's medications, the supply Dr. Ludwig gave her the other night is beginning to run out," she stammered.

"I can see that," Eric replied with forced calm, "what are you still doing here?" he asked.

"Oh, someone from the king's entourage is coming to pick me up," she explained, "I was told to wait here." She gave him an odd look, "Is that ok? Because I can wait outside if I'm bothering you…"

Eric waved a dismissive hand, cutting her off, "It's fine," he told her shortly. He glanced at her again, "What are you reading?"

"_Persuasion_," Ginger replied with a small smile, "it's one of my favourites," she continued, warming up to her theme, "I'm up to Frederick's letter." She sighed, "I love how Jane Austen always gives the men a chance to explain themselves," she looked like she would have said more but she thought the better of it and buried her nose back in her book.

Normally Eric would have been annoyed at her lack of respect in dismissing him, but her words intrigued him.

A letter, why hadn't he thought of a letter?

In a letter he could say his piece without saying something he might regret and without being watched by Bill or one of his flunkies.

"Do not leave without seeing me," Eric ordered, spinning on his heel and marching into his office.

"Whatever you say," Ginger said absently, still engrossed in her book.

Two hours later Pam was relieved to see Ginger arrive with her medicine bag; at least she wouldn't be running out of her injections any time soon.

She gave Ginger a curt nod of thanks and was surprised when, instead of leaving, Ginger came over to her. "I was told to give you this," she murmured, shoving something in her hands.

Pam looked down to find an envelope with her name written on the front in bold calligraphy.

She froze: she would know that handwriting anywhere.

By the time Pam had recovered from her shock, Ginger and the vampire who had escorted her were gone.

Pam absently turned the envelope over in her hands, trying to think about what to do with the letter. Did she really want to know what Eric had written?

She gave the fireplace a speculative glance.


	12. Chapter 12

Bill was surprised to find Pam curled up in a chair before a roaring fire when he returned from his business in the early hours of the morning.

"I find the flames soothing, they help me think," Pam said, answering his unspoken question.

Bill nodded, he could certainly understand that, "I thought you might like to know that we have discovered how you came to be filmed feeding off a human," Bill said, taking the seat opposite her.

"And?"

"It appears a skin-walker is part of the Fellowship of the Sun, we have apprehended him and handed him over to the proper authorities," he informed her, "you're free to go," he added.

Pam sat up straighter, "Has Eric been informed?" she asked.

"He will be," Bill replied smoothly, "but it's getting a bit late tonight for all that."

Pam nodded again, wondering if she was relieved or upset that Eric didn't know that her name had been cleared.

"You are, of course, welcome to stay here for as long as you wish," Bill assured her as he stood up.

Pam gave him a questioning look, "Why are you doing this?" she asked.

"You are my subject, it is my duty to protect you," he replied, choosing his words carefully.

"I'm Eric Northman's progeny, I'm sure that accounts for most of it," she retorted.

Bill smiled at her, "You're a valuable vampire in your own right, Pam, don't you forget that," he told her, favouring her with a small bow before leaving.

Pam watched him go, wondering what sort of game he was playing or whether she really was just too cynical and suspicious.

...

**A/N: So, that's Pam's death sentence cleared up but what about this situation with Eric? And what will he have to say about all this?**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thanks for all your lovely reviews, I'm glad people are enjoying this because I'm rather enjoying writing it! :)**

Eric braced himself as he was ushered into Bill's house the following evening. His jaw tightened when he caught sight of Pam sitting next to Bill, but otherwise he maintained his composure.

As he crossed the hall to join them he caught the faint trace of smoke, someone had had a fire recently. A thought occurred to him and he hazarded a look at Pam, she wouldn't have…would she?

Her face remained unreadable as he took a seat opposite the pair; he reached out through their bond to find that Pam still maintained her distance.

He respected her enough to let her keep it.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this summons?" Eric asked, shooting another glance at Pam.

"The skin-walker masquerading as Pam has been apprehended," Bill informed him levelly.

"Skin-walker?"

Bill inclined his head, "It seems that the Fellowship of the Sun felt the need to fabricate some of their evidence against us," he paused, "a fact that has lost them some support amongst the general public," he added.

Eric didn't give a fig about public opinion, "Then Pam is free to go?" he demanded.

"Of course," Bill replied.

Eric stood up, "Good," he reached out a hand towards his child, "Pam?"

She eyed his hand warily before glancing at Bill, Eric stiffly retracted his hand with a sinking feeling: she had burnt his letter after all.

"I thought you said she is free to go," he snapped, not taking his eyes of Pam who was now studying her hands where they rested in her lap.

"I did, what I didn't say was whether she wanted to," Bill replied, looking a trifle smug.

"I see," Eric said, tearing his eyes from Pam to look at Bill, "so this is your revenge for my taking Sookie is it? You take my child?"

"What was it you said to me once?" Bill made a show of thinking, "Ah yes, I accept that she is yours but should she ever indicate otherwise…" he trailed off with a smile.

Eric snarled and clenched his fists at his sides, "I am still her Maker, she belongs to me."

"No one is denying that."

"Then why the hell is she here with _you_?" he spat.

Pam was up in a flash, "Because you chose Sookie over me, over everything," she snarled through her fangs, invading his personal space, "because you told me to leave and then brought me back only to betray me." She glared at him, "Why do you choose to care now?"

"Because I love you!" he roared.

"Bullshit," Pam spat and was gone.

Eric glanced at Bill, who looked like he had ringside tickets to the best show on earth, "I would like, very much, to hurt you right now," Eric hissed.

Bill's bodyguards stepped out of the shadows and Bill smiled easily at him, "Yes, I imagine you would," he replied.

Recognising that he was outnumbered, Eric retracted his fangs and relaxed his aggressive posture. "I will not let this go," Eric promised as he allowed himself to be escorted from the room.

"I'll take that under advisement," Bill replied coolly.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I am terribly sorry for my delay in updating, real life intruded, but I have a couple of chapters here to make up for it and am halfway through a third which will (hopefully) be up soon. Once again, thanks for all the reviews and for reading! Hope you enjoy :)**

Pam watched Eric leave from behind the curtain in her room. If he felt her eyes on him he showed no sign of it, but judging from the set of his shoulders she'd guess that he was too worked up to notice anything.

_Except Sookie_, a voice at the back of her mind whispered bitterly.

She told that voice to shut up as she went to sit on the edge of her bed, the letter Ginger had given her in her hands.

Last night she'd had every intention of burning it, had even made the fire to do so, but in the end she hadn't been able to bring herself destroy it.

Not that she'd been able to read it either.

At this point she wasn't sure what she wanted the letter say: did she want him to beg for her forgiveness? To renounce Sookie? To renounce _her_?

She closed her eyes briefly to calm her thoughts, reminding herself of who and what she was: she would not be afraid of a letter.

Seizing the moment Pam ripped open the envelope.

Regardless of her fears about its contents, if she had been expecting a long missive she was to be disappointed. Written in Eric's bold, yet elegant hand was only one sentence: _If you remember nothing else about me, remember this: of all the women I have known, you are the only one I chose to spend eternity with._

Not exactly the reassurance she had been craving, but his words did help to soothe some of her wounded feelings.

Some, but not all: he still had some explaining to do.


	15. Chapter 15

Pam woke up the next evening with a renewed sense of purpose. She had made up her mind: she was going to seek out Eric and see what he had to say.

She paused outside the door to Bill's study on her way out, wondering whether she should tell him about her intentions. After a moment's consideration she decided that she didn't really trust him and, well, it was _Bill_.

That decision made, she made her way to Fangtasia in record time.

She was surprised, and more than a little relieved, to find Eric alone in his office.

"Is this a private brooding session or can anyone join in?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.

Eric started slightly and looked up from where he had been staring at the top of his desk, his head resting in his hands.

"I read your letter," she said after a long moment, a little unnerved by how he was staring at her. "This is called a conversation," she continued after another awkward silence, "I'm sure you've heard of it, I say something and then you respond…" she trailed off, uneasily.

Things had never been awkward between them before.

Eric finally seemed to notice her discomfort and roused himself. "I'm surprised Bill isn't with you," he commented.

"I'm surprised Sookie isn't with _you_," she retaliated, glaring at him.

"Don't look at me like that," he admonished her, "you're the one who wanted conversation, I'm simply making conversation," he added innocently.

Pam reminded herself that she wasn't there to start another argument and ignored his comment.

"How is your fairy princess?" she asked, smiling dangerously.

"She's doing well, I believe, how is your king?" he asked politely, matching her smile.

"He's fine," she replied smoothly, "apparently he thinks I could be valuable to him," she added, attempting to get a rise out of him.

It didn't work, but her comment did serve to give Eric some idea of what she needed from him.

"Is that what you came here for then? To hand in your notice?" he asked, striving for indifference as he shuffled some papers on his desk.

"If that is what you want," Pam replied trying, with limited success, to match his indifferent tone.

Eric looked up at her, "What I want is irrelevant, what do you want Pam?"

Pam had spent too much time contemplating that very question to be stumped by it now and she answered without missing a beat: "I want things to go back to the way they were before…everything."

"Things can not go back to the way they were," he told her softly, with a touch of regret.

"Because you are in love with her," she said almost accusingly.

"Yes."

Pam looked away.

"But she is not crucial to my existence," he continued, rounding his desk to stand in front of her, "you are," he told her seriously.

"Because I am your child," she said sullenly.

Eric tipped her head up so he could look her in the eye, "No, because I love you."

"Then why did you betray me?" she whispered.

Eric dropped his hand, "I was trying to protect you but Sookie-"

"-will always come first," Pam finished for him.

"No!"

"Then _why_?"

"Is it really that hard to believe that I made a mistake?" he asked after a long moment, a hint of amusement creeping into his tone.

"Would this mistake be sending me away or leading me into a trap?" she asked, unamused.

"Both."

Pam raised an eyebrow, "You realise that this would mean you made two mistakes?"

"Yes."

"And that I only survived because I'm perfect and didn't make any," she continued, a hint of amusement starting to creep into her tone.

Eric fought off a smile as he inclined his head in agreement.

Pam smirked, "I think I can live with that."

"With what?"

"My own perfection."

"And my failings?"

Pam's face clouded over, all traces of amusement gone. "Give me a few days on that one," she replied solemnly.

"You may have forever," he told her.

"Let's just hope it's long enough," she muttered, turning to leave.

He called her back and she paused in the doorway, "Just remember you're valuable to me too," he told her.

She gave him a brief nod and was gone.

...

**A/N: At least they can now be in the same room together, eh? :P**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I just realised I forgot to mention that this conversation and the one in chapter 13 were partially inspired by "The Secret Dialogues of Bill and Eric" in _The Sookie Stackhouse Companion_. Hope you enjoy! :)**

After Pam had gone Eric remained in his office, thinking over their conversation.

It was encouraging to think that Pam had sought him out and he was gratified that his letter had made some impact.

On the other hand she had still returned to Bill.

Not to mention it was slowly becoming clear to him that although, in time, she would probably forgive his actions, she would not forgive his reasons.

Sookie had become a wedge between them.

Eventually he would need to decide whether she was worth losing Pam over, because he could now see that if he continued to pursue her that's exactly what would happen.

Eric wasn't sure that he could live with that.

He'd meant what he said, of the two women Pam was the only one crucial to his existence, without her there would always be a void that nothing and no one could ever fill. Not only because she was his child but also because she was _Pam_ and his love for her transcended the bonds between Maker and Child.

Sookie was different, it was true that he cared about her and he would miss her but he would eventually get over it. In the grand scheme of things she really was rather insignificant.

…but not insignificant enough.

He let out a low growl of frustration, "Women," he muttered.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Eric suppressed a start at Bill's voice, settling instead for shooting a glare in his direction. "Is there something I can help you with, my liege?" Eric asked.

"Pam told me she came to see you," Bill began easily, sitting in the chair opposite Eric's desk.

"Obliged to tell you everything is she?" Eric asked.

"No, I just talk to her, you might like to try it sometime," Bill replied smoothly.

Eric snarled and Bill smirked.

"Actually this is an official visit, I came by to see how Area 5 is doing following Marnie's exploits," Bill continued.

"I believe we're recovering well, Pam kept everything in order whilst I was…indisposed," Eric added.

Bill's lips twitched, "She is quite invaluable," Bill conceded, "over the past few days I've come to see just why you chose to turn her. After everything she has been through, she still managed to rise to the occasion," he added, making Eric feel uncomfortable as he remembered how he had treated her.

"Did you come here to discuss Area 5 or to discuss Pam?" Eric snapped.

"Area 5, you're the one who brought her up."

"You're the one who keeps singing her praises."

"It's about time _someone_ acknowledged all that she has done."

The two men glared at each other.

"It won't work you know," Eric said flatly, abruptly changing the subject.

Bill blinked, "What won't?"

"Whatever scheme you're working on in conjunction to Pam, you won't keep her," Eric informed him.

Bill smiled easily as he got to his feet, "Ah, but I do take some pleasure in the thought that you may not either," he said pleasantly, taking his leave. He paused in the doorway, "Besides, did it ever occur to you that I have no scheme? Perhaps I just enjoy her company, she is rather extraordinary."

"I don't think you're her type," Eric told him, slightly smug.

"That thought hadn't occurred to me, but how interesting that it occurred to you," Bill replied, sounding just as smug.

He left before Eric could think of a suitable reply.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So...Pam may have been doing her own thinking, but come to a different conclusion.**

Bill returned home that evening to find Pam waiting in his office.

"Something I can help you with?" he asked pleasantly, taking a seat behind his desk.

"I would like to discuss my future," she said calmly.

Bill raised an eyebrow, "With me?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yes," she paused, "I would like your opinion on the Sookie situation."

"Meaning Eric and Sookie?" he asked carefully.

Pam nodded.

Bill regarded her for a long moment, "Very well," he conceded, "I believe you _should_ know that Sookie is…confused about her feelings for Eric. Whilst Eric…" he trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Eric I can not say," Bill replied honestly, "surely you would know better than I," he added.

"I think I may have lost him to her," Pam admitted finally, Bill raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Do you think he means to turn her?" she asked before he could respond.

"I think Sookie would have something to say about that," Bill observed drily.

"But you believe he may have considered it?" she pressed.

Bill shrugged.

Pam seemed to reach a decision, "I believe I can forgive Eric for his actions," she said briskly, "but I can not forgive him Sookie."

She paused to discreetly dab her eyes, unwilling to break down completely in front of Bill, "I do not think I can stay here any longer," she continued, meeting his eyes steadily, "and I ask your permission, as my king, to leave the Kingdom of Louisiana."

"Where would you go?"

Pam shrugged a shoulder, "Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

"Because you would no longer be able to taunt Eric," she retorted.

"No, because I have come to admire and respect you for both your strength and your courage," Bill told her solemnly, "and I would miss you," he added almost as an afterthought.

"Then you will let me go?" she asked, striving to appear unaffected by his words.

"If that is what you want."

"It is," she said in a small voice.

"Then you are free to go, I release you of your obligations to me as your king," he told her, rounding his desk.

Pam stood up, "Thank you."

"I hope your choice brings you the peace you desire," Bill told her as he watched her leave.

"I hope so too," she said softly and was gone.

Bill let out a weary sigh and sat down on the edge of his desk, there were days when it just didn't pay to get up. He grimaced as he wondered what Eric was going to do when he found out that Pam had gone.

Again.


	18. Chapter 18

"She WHAT?" Eric roared into his phone.

"She asked for permission to leave and I granted it," Bill replied smoothly on the other end of the line.

"And you thought it would be a good idea to wait until _now_ to tell me?" Eric demanded.

"I didn't realise she would leave without saying good bye to you."

"Do not lie to me, Compton, you knew _exactly_ what you were doing. I suppose you didn't trouble yourself to tell her about _our_ conversation?"

"I wasn't aware that there was anything pertinent in our conversation."

Eric's only response was a dangerous snarl.

"Can I help it that you lack basic communication skills?" Bill asked.

"When I told she could have 'forever' this is _not_ what I had in mind," Eric muttered darkly into the phone.

"I'm sorry, was I supposed to hear that?"

"Why didn't you stop her?" Eric demanded, ignoring the question.

"Why don't you?"

"Because I respect her right to make her own decisions."

"Whereas I'm not allowed to respect her at all?"

"When I accused you of having a scheme I never thought you'd stoop this low," Eric said, his tone low and dangerous.

"I haven't stooped to anything," Bill protested, "she left of her own freewill. Unlike last time I might add," he couldn't resist adding.

He was rewarded by another roar of fury from Eric.

"She said she forgave you, but she couldn't stay here anymore," Bill paused, "look at it this way: now you can enjoy your prize guilt free," he added nastily before hanging up the phone.

Eric slammed the receiver down so hard that he smashed the phone. He threw it against the wall, before throwing the desk, a chair and several other items after it for good measure.

How could she have done this to him?

Just when he thought they might be on the right track she up and left. It didn't make sense…unless…

He sighed wearily, unless she feared what his decision would be and had decided to make it for him. He closed his eyes; he should never have been so vague in their last conversation.

He wished he'd realised earlier just how far he had driven her away with his highhandedness and indifference.

He was certainly paying the price for it.

...

**A/N: The plot thickens...or thins, depending on your opinion...thanks for reading so far! :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I am deeply humbled by all the reviews, alerts and favourites I've had for this story. Thank you!  
>PS: This is set almost immediately after the phonecall in the previous chapter, basically, no one's happy at the moment :P<br>**

Bill was in a foul mood.

The fallout from Eric's curse was proving to be much greater than he had anticipated: not only had he lost Sookie, but he had lost Pam as well.

He freely admitted that in the past he would have been happy to see the back of her, would even had helped pack her suitcase, but since she had come under his 'protection' he'd come to appreciate her many talents.

He'd even started to consider her a friend.

Well, perhaps 'friend' was too strong a term, but he had meant it when he told her that he would miss her.

Because he did.

And it annoyed him no end the Eric was at the root of it all.

Of all the vampires he knew, himself included, Eric was the last one that he would have expected to make a fool of himself over a human. He had honestly believed that Eric was incapable of caring about anyone beyond himself, with Pam being the only exception.

Although the last few days had given him plenty of doubts on that score and made him very aware of his own failings towards Jessica. Failings that he had taken steps to correct over the last several days after seeing the pain Eric was able to inflict on Pam through his neglect.

Bill jumped as the door to his office suddenly burst open and Eric stalked into the room, Bill glanced passed him to find members of his security detail littering the floor in Eric's wake.

"You could have just made an appointment," Bill greeted him sarcastically.

"Where is she?" Eric snarled, ignoring Bill's comment.

"Sookie?"

"Pam."

"I already told you, I don't know," Bill replied firmly.

"Do not lie to me, Bill Compton," Eric growled through his fangs.

"I'm not lying, why would she tell me?"

"She told you she was leaving didn't she?" Eric asked bitterly.

Bill raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Is that what this is all about? You're _jealous_?"

"Of you? Don't be absurd," Eric spat.

Bill spread his hands in a gesture of defeat, "I wish I could help you, Eric, but I don't know where she is. Besides, what do you care? You have Sookie now, isn't that what you wanted?" he taunted.

Eric's only response was a roar of pure unadulterated fury that petered out into one of pain. Bill watched him warily as he sank into a nearby chair.

"I had hoped you were lying when you said she had gone," Eric said quietly, "she can not be gone, what will I do without her?"

Before Bill could respond, Eric was gone, as quickly as he had come.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Ok, just to be clear, for the purposes of this story the Finale didn't happen, thus Sookie never made her choice (or opted out from making one depending on your view point). But, regardless of all that, this is a conversation that I would like to see between Eric and Sookie. My apologies if you feel differently.**

"Perhaps you should just tell me whatever it is you're trying so hard not to," Sookie commented later that evening as Eric paused in his small talk. They had been chatting inanely for over an hour now and Sookie was certain there was something he wasn't telling her.

Eric shifted away from her slightly, "Pam has left."

She waited.

"You were right, I _have_ lost her," he continued, "she didn't even say good bye."

"I'm sorry," she said, not sure what else to say.

Eric snorted quietly, "You're 'sorry'? I lost my child, my closest companion for over one hundred years, and that's all you can say?"

"What do you want from me, Eric?" she asked, striving for calm but unable to help a hint of exasperation from creeping into her tone.

"Nothing as it turns out."

"What?"

Eric sighed, "I meant what I said when I told you that I love you, but Pam…I have been through too much with her to lose her now."

"I don't understand," Sookie told him, looking suspiciously like she was holding back tears.

"I refuse to sacrifice what I have with Pam for a relationship with you," he explained slowly, "the time has come for me to choose, I choose Pam."

"Don't I even get a say in this?" Sookie demanded.

"You don't love me, Sookie, not really. You love the other Eric," he paused, "I can not be that Eric. Not even for you."

Sookie lost the battle against her tears and broke down. "But I _do_ love you," she protested.

"And I love you."

"But not enough."

"No," he agreed, "not enough to give up Pam."

"Then this is it?"

"Yes," he stood up to leave, "please do not delude yourself that I am doing this as a Maker desperate not to lose his Child because I'm not. I am doing this because I have come to realise that I am never going to love anyone more than I love her."

Sookie nodded, in time she would appreciate his bluntness, but not tonight.

Eric left her house with only a twinge of regret: he was sure that a part of him would always love her, but that part belonged to the time when he was cursed. Another, larger part of him cried out in pain every time he thought about losing Pam.

He knew that eventually that part would sour whatever he and Sookie had, it was better to end it now before things went too far.

Before he lost any hope of repairing his relationship with Pam: because, in the end, she was the only thing that truly mattered to him.


	21. Chapter 21

Despite leaving at the earliest opportunity in search of Pam, which unfortunately had meant leaving an evening later than he had intended, Eric was finding it much more difficult to track her than he had anticipated.

In the first place she was smart and kept continually on the move and, in the second place, she could sense him just as easily as he could sense her and seemed to be deliberately avoiding him.

He toyed with the idea of commanding her to return to him, but rejected it as only making a bad situation worse. Not to mention the fact that the delay gave him more time to think about what he was going to say to her when he eventually caught up with her.

Because he was going to catch up with her: failure was unacceptable.

He. Would. Not. Lose. Her.

By the third evening of his search he began to feel her relenting, she started to tease him by letting him think he was getting close, only to move on at the last possible moment.

She had also relaxed the barrier she had put between them via their bond and he had been shocked to discover just how much he'd missed her familiar presence in the back of his mind when he first felt her do so.

After letting her feel some of his relief that she was finally communicating again, he flooded her with his grim determination not to give up.

Her initial surprise at this gave him a glimpse of just how much he had hurt her by his continual brushing her aside.

But her surprise quickly changed into mischief and a sense of purpose.

It took him until the following evening to figure out why: she'd led him back to Ellis Island, where they had first set foot on American soil and he had promised her a new life, just the two of them.

He mentally saluted her.

He found her standing under some nearby trees, bathed in the moonlight. She turned to face him and he could feel her own determination mingling with his.

She was done running.

...

**A/N: And I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave you hanging for the moment, because I am cruel, mean and heartless like that :P Thanks for the reviews! x**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I'm not going to lie, I'm _really_ nervous about this chapter. I didn't want it to be too soppy or melodramatic, but I think I'm happy enough with it to post it. I _really_ hope nobody's disappointed with how it pans out! Thanks for all the encouragement for this story, it means a lot to me that people have enjoyed it. **

"_It's strange to miss someone you don't remember."_

The words he had spoken to Sookie came back to him as he slowed his pace to get a better look at Pam in the moonlight.

He hadn't told Sookie the complete truth when he told her he didn't remember anything: a few images from his past _had_ stayed with him; he just couldn't remember what they meant.

One of those images had been of a woman waiting for him bathed in the moonlight. In his ignorance he had thought she was Sookie, but that hadn't stopped the dull ache whenever he thought about it.

Seeing Pam in the same pose and setting as that image made him realise his mistake and the last vestiges of what he had felt for Sookie disappeared as he realised just how deeply he had wronged her.

He truly had been blind.

"Blind about what?" Pam asked, confused.

Eric blinked as he realised he must have spoken that last thought aloud, "To all the curse had entailed," he replied, still looking at her with something akin to awe in his eyes.

Pam unconsciously took a step back from the intensity of his gaze.

"You followed me across the country to explain the nature of your curse to me?" she asked incredulously, though Eric caught the hint of disappointment in her tone.

"Actually, I came to beg for your return," he told her seriously, rousing himself from his sudden epiphany.

"You don't beg," she countered flatly.

He took a step towards her, "Apparently there is a first time for everything."

She took another step back, "I'm sure you'll be fine without me."

He took another step forward, stopping just outside of her personal space, "I wish I shared your optimism."

She narrowed her eyes at him slightly, "Won't Sookie be wondering where you are?" she demanded, abruptly changing the subject.

"Sookie no longer has a claim on how I spend my time," he told her smoothly.

Pam regarded him for a long moment, "I will not be your consolation prize," she told him finally.

"I'm sorry that I ever gave you the impression that you would be," he told her, allowing her to sift through his emotions to know that he was sincere.

"Over the past few days I have come to realise something, Pam," he continued before she could comment, "not the least of which being that I didn't lose you, I drove you away."

Pam stared at him in stunned silence.

"I shut you out after Godric died, I abandoned you after you had been tortured, I ignored all that you had suffered in my absence and then, finally, I sent you away for the mortal sin of once more proving your loyalty to me." He reached out a hand to cup her cheek, "I have repaid your loyalty and devotion with neglect and betrayal," he said softly, bringing his other hand up to her face, "you have every right to hate me, but I could not let you go without letting you know that I am sorry."

"I thought you came here to beg for my return, not to say good bye," Pam said after a long moment.

Eric wiped a stray tear off her cheek with the pad of his thumb, "Well, since you neglected to say good bye I thought I would do so now and then move on to the begging," he replied lightly.

Pam waited.

"You're not actually going to make me beg are you?" Eric asked, sounding so horrified that Pam laughed.

Eric smiled a little at the sound as he slid his hands down her arms to hold her hands loosely.

She gripped his hands a little tighter, "You stood here once and promised me that you would always be by my side, that nothing would ever change that." She paused, "Just tell me you still mean that."

"I do," he insisted, "I promise."

"No Sookie?" she clarified.

"No Sookie," he promised, "_you_ are the only thing that truly matters to me," he added, planting a kiss on her forehead before he dropped her hands and made to move away.

Pam grabbed him by the front of his jacket and pulled him back, "I thought I had lost you," she murmured against his neck as she clung to him.

Eric pulled her closer to him, "Never," he swore.

...

**A/N: Does anyone else thing Pam & Eric's song should be "Always On My Mind"? I think of them every time I hear it...**


	23. Chapter 23

A few hours later Pam sat between Eric's legs, nestled comfortably against his chest as he leaned back against a tree with his eyes closed.

"So what happens now?" she asked idly, absentmindedly tracing patterns on the arms encircling her.

"We go and find somewhere to spend the day," Eric replied easily.

Pam paused in her pattern drawing to pinch his arm and he chuckled.

"I thought we could take the long way back to Shreveport," he amended, opening one eye, "assuming you wish to return there?"

Pam shrugged, "I will go wherever you go."

Eric opened both eyes at her comment and gave her an amused look, "Who are you and what have you done with my Pam?"

"_Your_ Pam?" she teased.

"Yes," he said simply, tightening his hold on her, "I think you will find, my dear, that you are very much _mine_," he told her cockily.

"Is that so?"

"A fact I would appreciate you reminding Bill Compton of when we return," he continued in a different tone, ignoring her comment.

"I don't think he ever had any delusions on that score," Pam informed him, "he was simply there for me when I needed him," she added, looking away.

"Please don't say that," Eric groaned, Pam raised an eyebrow, "I'd prefer not to be in Bill Compton's debt," he explained.

Pam snickered, "Perhaps you should remember that the next time you make a mistake," she said sweetly.

Eric growled at her playfully, "I thought I had made that up to you."

She smirked, "Not by a long shot."

"That's not what you said before."

"I've changed my mind."

"Is there anything I can do to change it back?"

She looked up at him through her lashes, "I'm sure you'll think of something."

...

**A/N: And I'll leave it up to you to decide that that "something" might be ;) **

**Thanks again for all your reviews, favourites and alerts :) I hope no one is disappointed with how it ended! Hope to see y'all around with something new in the future. Please feel free to send me ideas (I'm always up for new ideas) or to drop me a line for a chat/gripe about this season :P x**


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